Nina's (Millers Bridge/Dock Road

Question 1: You've driven your lorry all the way from Glasgow to the docks in Bootle. You've had your mouldy scran from the Stanley Foods takeaway and you fancy a bevvy and a perv....but you only have £6. Where should you go?

Answer: Nina's


Ale - bottles of lager £1 (Carlsberg). Pints are probably crap.
Bar Staff - Old birds who are "Amusingly abusive towards customers".
Toilets - Poor. Pissy floor, Swastika graffiti on walls, one brown cube of soap that looks like its been there for 2 months.
Decor - Grimey. Christmas lights still hang on the far wall.
TV's - One. Small. Has been known to show Gladiators with John Fashanu. AWOOGA!
Customers - Lorry drivers, groups of young lads in Reebok Classic, the old perv sitting on his own (there'll actually be a few of these)
Local Nutter - Julie from the mental hospital
Entertainment 5/5 - 50p pool, free jukebox, Strippers every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday*


*Stripper ettiquette*

DO's
- Pay attention to her performance (even if it's the one where she only gets her jugs out)
- Accept any friendly requests to remove cream from her nipple
- Applaude after a performance (even if you're the only one)
- Drop a tip into her glass (if she's cheeky enough to come begging and she catches you before you make it into the bogs)

DONT's
- Play pool during a performance (they just come and fuck with your game)
- Tell her it's your birthday (unless you want your kecks pulled down, your age written in cream on your cheeks and whipped off with a belt)
- Put a blindfold on (it'll be your mates arse hovering just above your face, not hers
- Repeatedly shout "Get yer moggy out!"
- Grab at said moggy everytime she comes near


Question 2: You're a bit pissed from your six bottles of Carlsberg. Should you drink-drive back to Glasgow tonight or kip in your lorry?

Answer: Neither. Stay the night at Nina's! Upstairs they have rooms (brothel).


Overall Score - 4/10